Setting SMART Goals

Since this is near the beginning of a new year I thought I would share an acronym we learned in a staff meeting recently. It is an easy way to remember effective goal setting.

S.M.A.R.T – and we all want to be considered smart.

According to our pastor Tom, when it comes to a goal you are wanting to achieve is it:

• Strategic -- (Does this goal clearly connect with what God has assigned me to do?)

• Measurable -- (Does this goal have a number attached to it?)

• Actionable -- (Does this goal have a clear action I must take?)

• Realistic -- (Is this goal grounded in reality?)

• Timed -- (Does this goal have a clear deadline?) 

Which one of these points is hardest for you?

I don’t know about you, but the hardest step for me is the last. Even the thought of having to set a hard deadline on a goal gives me a measure of anxiety. I can become a master of excuses in order to avoid having to exercise the required amount of self-discipline to meet the target date. I was painfully aware of this as I walked around the outside of our house with a contractor this morning. I had set a date to have some work done to our house by the end of last year. But here it is January and I am just getting started. And the truth is, I can come up with no good excuse.

If my goal is good (and in my case it is) I remind myself that giving up is not an option. Healthy self-reflection and a measure of grace helps me to process and reset my missed deadline. Instead of shaming myself, I encourage myself to positive action.

Is being realistic hard for you? Do you tend to overestimate your capabilities or resources? Unrealistic goals produce frustration and discouragement. You can begin to doubt yourself and others may lose trust for you as well if you are frequently falling short. It is usually smart to under-promise and over-deliver.

It’s easy to imagine this concept being applied to career or work goals, but how about to relational goals? Is there a growth goal that you have been thinking about that would produce a closer or healthier relationship? Or have you developed bad habits with people that you would want, or need to change? Can you articulate a relationship goal that encompasses this whole concept in one or two sentences?

For example: “Since God wants me to be patient and kind (strategic), I will completely eliminate my angry outbursts (measurable) by physically withdrawing from conflicts (actionable) so that my family can look forward to a peaceful vacation this summer (realistic and timed).”

Why don’t you give it a try in some area of your life and see what you can come up with. 

Videocounseling – It’s Here

Last Saturday half of our counseling sessions were via Skype video. What a difference a decade makes. What was not even thinkable back then is now a reality. So how do we feel about it?

At first we were kind of skeptical. We had not experienced telephone sessions to be as engaging as in-person contact. Could we emotionally connect with clients adequately over a video call? Could we read their body language accurately? Would the client feel as cared about through the web connection? (OK, there is no hugging and sometimes that’s a problem.) So what were our conclusions?

With the current state of computers and video devices plus increased Internet speeds, the quality of most connections are adequate or better. Especially with clients that we have previously counseled in person, the transition is easy.

What are some advantages of video counseling? 

• No time spent commuting. It’s really convenient.
• No travel expense or traffic
• No babysitter needed for some
• Flexible locations for both clients and counselors. Our clients have even called in on mobile devices from their cars, etc.
• Out of the area sessions are possible
• Emergency cancellations can be filled with a telecommute when their isn’t enough time to travel to the office.
• Some clients may feel more comfortable in their own home with a bit more separation
• You can keep your cold to yourself 

What are some of the downsides? 

• There is some preparation involved
• Sometime connections are not very good or may be dropped
• Children or other interruptions may occur
• Whiteboard illustrations are more difficult
• Handouts must be emailed (minor inconvenience)
• It just feels different 

Just like in corporate businesses where video conferencing and huddle-room conferencing is increasing, so is the likelihood that telecounseling will grow as well. What that means for us is to be aware of the changing trend and to keep our eye on improvements in technology so that clients can have as good an experience as possible. It also means that we are realistic about the limitations and stay abreast of current laws and regulations.

So what are your feelings and thoughts about video counseling? Please respond!

Loopholes

 In Christian circles we often talk about legalism or “living under the law” vs. “living under grace”.

Those who have been hurt, but have not fully embraced forgiveness, are often looking for justice. It is understandable from a human perspective. Then there is another side to the equation – those, because of their wrongdoings, who are trying to escape justice and receive mercy, or better yet, grace. That too is an understandable position.

Justice is getting what you deserve

Mercy is not getting bad things that you deserve (punishment or retribution)

Grace is getting good things that you absolutely do not deserve (unearned)

I really admire those who search the scriptures diligently so that they can fully follow God in the way they conduct themselves in life and relationships. But there is another way that scriptures can be used as well – as a rationalization to punish, control or avoid. This is where loopholes come into the picture.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a loophole as:

1. An error in the way a law, rule, or contract is written that makes it possible for some people to legally avoid obeying it.

2. A means of escape; especially: an ambiguity or omission in the text through which the intent of a statute, contract, or obligation may be evaded.

Are you looking for loopholes in the scripture to justify your wrong desires or behaviors?

In definition #2 above it clearly states that there is an intent in statutes or laws that is to be understood and followed. This is what law abiding or good-hearted people seek to incorporate into their personal life script. (For purposes of this discussion I am not talking about occasions where man’s laws and God’s laws are in conflict).

When seeking justice do you ignore the scriptures that call for forgiveness, mercy, turning the other cheek (and many more) in favor of “an eye for an eye”?

When trying to justify immoral sexual behaviors do you minutely examine words like “fornication” or “purity” or others hoping that God’s intent for us as Christians has been incorrectly interpreted by the church for centuries?

When wanting to blame, shame, criticize or control someone do you quote scriptures that speak about ‘iron sharpening iron” or “faithful are the wounds of a friend” or “confronting sin”? Are you truly concerned for them, or are you really trying to exercise power over them?

The Bible tells us that God is concerned about our hearts out of love for us. When our hearts aren’t right, our lives and our world is not right. Matters of justice are tricky and best left for God to deal with. It is said that we want justice for others, but mercy and grace for ourselves. So, are you most interested in the “letter of the law” or “the intent of the law”?

Loopholes are our way of trying to return power and control to ourselves (leaning on our own understanding) instead of trusting that God’s ways are good.