Right now I am going through a major transition in my life –
and it’s a good thing. Everyone around me is happy for me. It’s one of the
goals I have had my heart set on for quite a while. But in the midst of this
seemingly joyous time, I have some really perplexing feelings: loss, aloneness,
anxiety and sadness along with relief, excitement and awareness of the expanded
opportunities.
What in the world in going on in my head?
The word “confused” shows up so often in counseling. Although
it may mean “I don’t understand”, more often it means I am in a dilemma and I
don’t know what to choose. I must take a position but I am afraid to make the
wrong decision. It can also mean that there are two seemingly opposite beliefs
in play.
“He says he loves me but he keeps saying or doing stupid
things that hurt me. What’s up with that?”
“She says she wants to support me, but all she does is
criticize or blame me and I feel anything besides supported. Which one is it?”
The truth is probably that in both cases there is no
intentional ill will. He does love you, but he fails to see how unloving some
of his behavior can be. She does want to support you, but old habits die hard. It’s
probably a family of origin issue. From a spiritual standpoint, the flesh can
be pretty strong and difficult to manage.
Confusion often gets us stuck. There does not seem to be a
“right” answer. Am I happy or am I sad? Can I be both at the same time? How can
I be a friend of God in my spiritual self, but an enemy of God in my
sinfulness?
The truth is that peace may only come as we are able to hold
both positions at the same time, knowing that we are complicated beings and
capable of dealing with complexity. I am feeling a loss of a former career even
as I am excited about what lies ahead. What do I need to let go of in order to
not be held back? Are there things I have missed that are important, or am I
worrying too much? The truth is that I probably have missed things along the
way, and I am too anxious about it too.
What really helps is to take myself out of the center of all
these issues. Frustration and confusion makes it all about me and I need to
shift my perspective and try to see things differently. Do I consider other
people? Can I rejoice and be grateful in all things, not for the pain but
because I am loved by God?
