Us-Them Thinking

One of my pastor mentors often refers to what is called “us-them” thinking in the church. What he is referring to is the tendency to see a separation between leadership and congregants or believers and non-believers, etc, etc, etc.

Why do we do this? Sometimes it can be a form of pride or arrogance, but most often it flows from tradition or wanting to fit in. In its extreme it can be quite toxic, putting up a wall with a sign that says either “You’re not welcome” or “You’re not qualified”.

Of course it’s not just in the church where this can exist. All organizations or groups have the potential to set themselves apart. Sometimes it is quite necessary, as in the military, etc. There needs to be qualifiers. But for us in the church it can be an unwanted barrier.

I (Dave) had been raised in the church from the time I was born – but I took a long rebellious break before I returned. In the interim a lot had changed. My traditional Presbyterian experience was different from the post Jesus People movement and Pentecostalism that I encountered. I ran into a lot of new “markers”.

Markers determine who is “inside” and who is “outside”.  For example in some congregations you are outside if you wear a suit and tie. In others it is an expected uniform. Another marker is raising your hands in church. If you do then you are considered an insider, if not you are probably a guest or seeker. There is also marker language – we call it “Christianese” when we use phrases that are not typically part of everyday language, i.e.: “traveling mercies” or “angels camping around your house” etc. Those kinds of phrases can create us-them thinking.

There can even be this kind of thinking within the Christian church world itself, where one church or denomination can feel superior to another.

“We have the real truth.”

“We have a special calling from God.”

“We have the Holy Spirit operating in our midst in a unique way.”

We might call this hyper-spiritual thinking.

Or how about the “Black Church” vs. the “White Church”? That divide is so sad.

In the mental health field there can also be us-them thinking – us “mentally healthy”, them “mentally ill”. The truth is that mental health is a continuum that is constantly shifting. Some days I am much more mentally healthy than others.

Regardless, if our goal is inclusiveness and the expansion of the family of Christ, shouldn’t we be breaking down walls instead of creating them?

Over Spiritualizing

Have you ever known someone who seems unable to have a normal conversation without constantly injecting it with “God-talk”? If you are like me you probably get a bit uncomfortable – not because of the subject of spirituality, but because of the inappropriateness of the person. I am not sure if they are trying to reach me in some way, or if they need to constantly reassure or convince themselves (or me) about their faith. Either way it is annoying. A friend of mine calls this “icky Christianity”.

What worries me for them is a possible tendency to have polarized thinking. In counseling we would call this splitting: all good/all bad. Spiritually, they may view the world and operate as if under the law, becoming a present day Pharisee, or they may believe that grace will cover everything and so they operate their lives without regard to the full teaching of the Bible.

I am also concerned that this way of thinking may make them more vulnerable to flip-flopping in either their beliefs or their behavior. One day they seem to be following God with all their heart, and the next they have fallen off the map. What is preferable is being consistently steady, realistic and balanced.

What does this balance look like? It means operating with: structure and flexibility, love and truth, rules and relationship, principles and forgiveness, passion without pressuring or criticizing others. This is not easy. It takes strength and courage and the ability to embrace the messiness of humanity.

What also concerns me about God-talk is the effect is has on those who are not believers. Before I became a Christian the only effect it had on me was to keep me away from those who spoke that way. I felt judged and separate, an outsider. I spent as little time with them as I could and I believe it kept me away from faith much longer. I could not get to Jesus because these people were in the way.

How are you? Where do you fall in this discussion? I believe it can be an opportunity for valuable self-examination. I know I have had to strip a lot of things from my conversational style as I grew in Christ. I am still working on it, to be perfectly honest. Let’s grow together.