6 Signs That You Are Ready For Marriage

 

After having taught 50 premarried classes, and counseled umpteen couples, Nan and I have learned a few things about relationships and what makes them work. We could add a lot more to this list of course, but these ones came to mind quickly.

1. You are a great listener

Listening intently communicates that you are interested in what the person is saying, that you are attuned to them. What they are talking about may not seem as important to you, but they are important to you, so you give them your full attention.

2. You have learned how to share.

We all learned the importance of sharing in kindergarten. As adults we may have to learn it all over again. What do we need to share in a marriage? Our time, our resources, our more vulnerable self. Sharing builds unity, the “us-ness” in a relationship.

3. You are good at regulating your emotions.

Managing emotions well is a sign of maturity. When we are able to express our feelings without over or under reacting we will create the environment where conflicts have the potential to be resolved well. This may not have been modeled in our families as we grew up and may take some re-learning how to effectively manage our emotional triggers.

4. You have learned how to forgive.

In a relationship there will always be times when we mess up. The ability to forgive one another is essential to maintaining connection. We also need to appropriately forgive ourselves. Unforgiveness keeps us stuck with grudges and resentments and relational brokenness and usually grows with time. Forgiveness is not ignoring hurts, but entering into a process where the wounds can be resolved.

5. You have reasonable expectations for yourself and your partner.

Reasonable expectations allow for growth and harmony in a relationship. Unexpressed and unreasonably high expectations of each other lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. Expectations need to be expressed, negotiated and agreed upon. This can prevent either partner from having to “walk on eggshells”.

6. You DON’T have unprocessed trauma, significant debt, or unaddressed addictions.

Any one of these things are potential disasters waiting in the wings. It would be naive to think that they will not be a problem sometime in the relationship. These things can be a source of shame, and therefore the tendency might be to keep them hidden in hopes they will sort themselves out over time. But often they just become a bigger obstacle. It takes courage to face them, but what a relief it is to be free of the hold they can have.

We know it takes determination and courage to grow in all of these areas. You may need to delay moving forward in a relationship until there is significant change in you or your partner. But we can attest to the benefit of dealing with issues before you say “I do”.