Nan and I like listening to fiction books at night. We try to choose carefully so that we don’t over stimulate our brains before bedtime. Nonfiction books, especially those connected to counseling or spirituality, tend to get us thinking about issues connected to our clients and work, so we leave those for mornings. But when I say carefully, we also try especially hard not to choose books that are laced with profanity.
It has always seemed to me that cussing and unsavory language is a form of verbal violence. It is certainly not used to lift up and encourage others. It saddens me that it has become so embedded in our culture, especially in our entertainment. But it has also crept into many people’s daily language. Although I let a lot of it pass me by, I cringe every time someone used God or Jesus in an irreverent manner. I expect God does too.
When it enters the relationship
I have worked with enough couples in counseling to know that profanity is often used as a weapon in fights. F-bombs and cuss words are flung at each other like bullets. How can we claim to love our spouse yet inflict such damage? Parents can do the same thing to their children, causing deep wounds in their tender souls. God’s heart must break as He witnesses these verbal assaults.
Clients will sometimes say that in these conflicts there is a point of no return, that once a threshold has been crossed they are unable to restrain themselves. But I maintain that it is not the truth. We actually give ourselves permission to escalate and retaliate. Interrupted by a cell phone ring, people in the middle of a heated conflict will often answer the phone in a perfectly civil manner. They really are in control of their reactivity.
I remember a time in my twenties that I decided that I would strip my language of any profanity. It seemed unprofessional and low class, and having grown up in a Christian home I also knew that it was ungodly. My parents never swore, and for that I am really grateful. I found self-censoring to be not that difficult, but it did require intentionality.
So, how do you go about changing this if it is a habit?
I would suggest that the first step is deciding. “I am going to do this!” Then keep this decision in the front of your mind. This self-awareness will help you to monitor your speech. If you slip, apologize to the person you are talking to. They may not understand why you are apologizing, but it will help you correct yourself if you have to explain why. Of course the goal would be to find yourself apologizing a lot less. Also, don’t swear silently in your head or under your breath. Get it out of your inner world and clean up your heart. I think of this verse:
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” Luke 6:45 (NLT)
If this speaks to you, does it seem like a difficult challenge? Ask God for victory!
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