Us-Them Thinking

One of my pastor mentors often refers to what is called “us-them” thinking in the church. What he is referring to is the tendency to see a separation between leadership and congregants or believers and non-believers, etc, etc, etc.

Why do we do this? Sometimes it can be a form of pride or arrogance, but most often it flows from tradition or wanting to fit in. In its extreme it can be quite toxic, putting up a wall with a sign that says either “You’re not welcome” or “You’re not qualified”.

Of course it’s not just in the church where this can exist. All organizations or groups have the potential to set themselves apart. Sometimes it is quite necessary, as in the military, etc. There needs to be qualifiers. But for us in the church it can be an unwanted barrier.

I (Dave) had been raised in the church from the time I was born – but I took a long rebellious break before I returned. In the interim a lot had changed. My traditional Presbyterian experience was different from the post Jesus People movement and Pentecostalism that I encountered. I ran into a lot of new “markers”.

Markers determine who is “inside” and who is “outside”.  For example in some congregations you are outside if you wear a suit and tie. In others it is an expected uniform. Another marker is raising your hands in church. If you do then you are considered an insider, if not you are probably a guest or seeker. There is also marker language – we call it “Christianese” when we use phrases that are not typically part of everyday language, i.e.: “traveling mercies” or “angels camping around your house” etc. Those kinds of phrases can create us-them thinking.

There can even be this kind of thinking within the Christian church world itself, where one church or denomination can feel superior to another.

“We have the real truth.”

“We have a special calling from God.”

“We have the Holy Spirit operating in our midst in a unique way.”

We might call this hyper-spiritual thinking.

Or how about the “Black Church” vs. the “White Church”? That divide is so sad.

In the mental health field there can also be us-them thinking – us “mentally healthy”, them “mentally ill”. The truth is that mental health is a continuum that is constantly shifting. Some days I am much more mentally healthy than others.

Regardless, if our goal is inclusiveness and the expansion of the family of Christ, shouldn’t we be breaking down walls instead of creating them?

Could You Benefit From Medication?

 I wonder how many marriages have kept from blowing apart due the miracle of modern psychotropic medications. I also wonder how many people have been able to stay out of inpatient facilities because they have been stabilized by good diagnoses and treatment with therapy and medications.

Earlier in the last century none of these interventions were available and choices were limited to some very basic and sometimes harsh methods. Or untreated, a lot of people suffered and the people around them suffered as well.

But that is not the case today. Although some people would claim that medications are over-prescribed, especially for children, the truth is that there are many who would benefit from them, at least for a season. Depression and anxiety are rampant within our complex and stressful culture.

Perhaps because of the illegal drug culture or because of sensational news reporting which has maligned legitimate psychotropic medications, there is still reluctance for some people to embrace these drugs when they would clearly be of benefit. At the core of this reluctance there may be fear or shame, especially for those who have been raised in a very conservative church environment. Fortunately attitudes in most churches have been changing as they see how this attitude has been victimizing the wounded in their midst.

I am delighted to report that in the many years that Nan and I have been counseling we have seen very few adverse reactions, mostly just some temporary side effects. I believe this high success rate has been due in great measure to our clients getting evaluated and treated by highly competent medical professionals. They do their best to stay on top of their clients’ progress and make changes when necessary to optimize the treatment.

The most likely failure of treatment comes when a client makes decisions on their own without input from their doctors. Too common is the client who decides to discontinue medication because they are “feeling better” or “don’t like the way it feels”. Also, some are inconsistent with their doses and becomes erratic in their behavior and claim that it isn’t working. There can be some very negative outcomes when medications are discontinued improperly. Your psychiatrist/doctor is your friend and advocate – it’s important to stay connected to him/her.

Of course it is very important to give a full disclosure to your doctor and counselor of anything that you are taking, including alcohol, over-the-counter medications, prescribed medications, self administered herbs and supplements or illegal drugs. It is possible that there could be complications or negative interactions from the wrong mix.