The Road Back

 

There will undoubtedly be an enormous amount written about the 2020 pandemic in the years to come. There already has been. There will be studies and statistics about the damage done that will compare these years to other times of civil disruptions. There will be predictions, and some will turn out to be relatively accurate. In our field of mental health I would expect the fallout from this trauma will be lengthy and significant. The trauma in this case is not an event, like a serious car accident, but one of deprivation.

What were we deprived of?

Many things. We could list physical comforts like products and services, but those would probably be lower down on the list. What will stand out, however, will be the effects of fear-based isolation and all the uncertainty that surrounded us. And that isolation bubble traveled with us, too – to shopping, workplaces, and gatherings of any sort. Schools were shut down and went online as were so many other institutions. We were deprived of familiar human interactions and normalcy. As one person told me just this week, “Left by myself, ‘beer-thirty’ got earlier and earlier.”

To add to the misery, we have been going through a season of social and political unrest. We have treated people who don’t hold the same opinions and health protocols as we do as enemies. We have become afraid of each other. Are you going to give me a potentially fatal disease? And in many instances ideology has become more important than civility and spirituality. Our fragmentation has become a huge problem. And the tragedy here is that the only real source of emotional comfort is other people.

The first will be last

It is expected that the last to fully recover will be first responders, healthcare workers, clergy, counselors, caregivers and a myriad of other leaders. They are all in a group of people who have had to make decisions and navigate through the uncertainty without a map – all while managing their own anxieties. Their recovery will begin when everyone else is taken care of, possibly two years delayed. There has been enormous stress on these leaders to keep people from giving in to fear and detaching from community. I have seen up close the damage done to leaders by scared and angry people. Even though these leaders understand intellectually, emotionally they have felt betrayed, misunderstood, and judged harshly.

What you can do?

It is time to “re-friend” people. We cannot thrive emotionally if we don’t move in this direction. Start with a fearless moral inventory. Where have you forgotten who you are? Where have you acted out of character? Who do you need to apologize to? Do you need to confess, repent or make amends? These are all intentionally restorative and relational moves. Agreement cannot be the basis for your relationships. In marriages we don’t agree all of the time, yet we maintain relationship. You shouldn’t expect it from less intimate connections. We must find our way back to mutual support and unity. It is up to those of us in faith communities to model what we believe. We must lead on the road back.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3