Ripped Off By FOMO

 

The premise is simple: because we have a fear of missing out on life, we stare at smart phones for hours and actually miss out on life. It’s sad and it is increasing our levels of depression, especially in kids and teens.

It is true that they are physically safer locked in their rooms staring at social media, but emotionally they are being compromised. Why? They are aware of all the things they didn’t get invited to, or are not able to participate in. And it makes them depressed, sometimes even suicidal. And it distracts them from homework and joining in with the family.

Granted, earlier generations may have sat around the “boob tube”, soaking in the inane antics of some comedy show. But at least it was a group activity, usually with some sort of interaction and running commentary. There was a sense of togetherness that just seems missing today. But truthfully, there was a bigger world just outside the front door that was being largely ignored then also.

How about us adults?

Are we much different? I guess our work life or parenting interrupts our addiction to social media, but it seems like the ubiquitous cell phone travels with us everywhere. Could it be that by our example we are actually reinforcing the value of constant electronic connection to our kids?

I didn’t have a smart phone until 2017 (and truth be told I still have to fully learn it) but I sure have wasted thousands of hours on my computer. I don’t deny that it has added a lot of value to me as well, and surely wouldn’t give it up. I mean, how would I know my schedule? How could I write spelling perfect blogs without it? But do I really need to know who is angry over whatever?

As I get older my real fear is that I will miss out on the one and only life that God has granted me. I’m scared I will miss out on all the wonderful things that surround me while I have my nose stuck in a 14” laptop or a 6” smart phone screen. And I am sad that I am such a willing participant.

Every night around dusk a flock of wild turkeys walks down to get a drink from the river. Occasionally they will be joined by a few deer. Ducks will float down the river on their journey to who knows where. But many days I miss it because I am nose down in electronic media gathering useless information. What is it that I am afraid of missing out on that’s more important?

There is a myth that we must carve out quality time for children – but the truth is that quality moments come in the midst of a quantity of time. Quality moments can’t be scheduled and they can’t be manufactured. They just happen, and we want to be there when they do. And not just with our children. The other people we care about qualify as well. Sure, we are busy and so we have to do the best we can within the constraints of life. But even so, if we are absorbed by FOMO we will likely become a victim of it. Look up, not down. Don’t get ripped off.

Unity, Not Polarization

 
I, like many people, have been increasingly concerned by the polarization that has been occurring in our world. It has set friends against one another, family members against one another, and Christian brothers and sisters against one another. This is not God’s plan for us. It is actually the opposite. Jesus praying:

“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.” John 17:20-23

Of course the problem is that we desire for others to move over to our position, rather than us moving over to theirs. It isn’t going to happen. All the social media posting and arguing in the world isn’t going to change people’s positions. It is only going to inflame and further separate us. Look at the last sentence in the above passage. The words unity and love stick out to me. Is that what you are experiencing from others? Is that what you are communicating to others with your words?

Polarization gets us focused on right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, and all kinds of us/them dis-unifying thinking. Most often what we are not expressing is truth, but opinion. And those opinions are based on all kinds of emotions, usually fear or anger, not love.

Are you shaming people in the way you express your opinion?

Shaming is going deeper than saying “I don’t like what you did”. It is saying “I don’t like who you are. You are defective. If you hold that opinion there is something wrong with you.” But the Bible tells us something different:

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

If we wish to influence people, we must do it with love and compassion, not anger and criticism.

“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” Romans 2:4

Our kindness can be our best tool to help people to consider our opinions. We, as believers are called to build up, lift up, encourage, restore, and reconcile. We can not do it by tearing down and destroying people with our words. We must do it with love, seeking the truth, and not by repeating hearsay or gossip.

I try my best to obscure inflammatory posts on my social media feeds when I catch them. I see no purpose in letting them stand. It is not that I have no opinions or am cowardly. I simply do not wish to be part of a problem that seems to be increasing and is in opposition to Jesus’s call for us to be peacemakers.

Can you be steadfast in the things of God, but yielding in the things of this world? The Bible calls this the battle between the Spirit and the flesh. I know it is very hard when you feel deeply. But, as I regularly communicate in counseling, feelings do not determine reality.

I suppose it all comes down to what we value most.

“But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15